# Music by Genre > Bluegrass, Newgrass, Country, Gospel Variants >  Top Ten Signs That You Are Into Bluegrass

## mandopete

All right, the mandolin humor thread made me think of this topic.  I have been trying to come up with David Letterman style "Top Ten" list for bluegrass and I thought the folks here on the Cafe could help.

Here's my start....

*Top Ten Signs That You Are Into Bluegrass...*

#10: His and her monogrammed lawnchairs.

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## mandolooter

#9. You have just 3 tooths!

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## miked500

#8 Chop, Roll and Dog House are all perfectly acceptable musical terms.

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## Dennis Ladd

#7 You have all of Del McCoury's CDs and would play them all the time if people would let you. (But they don't.)

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## Boy Howdy

You play a $3,000 mandolin on a threadbare couch...

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## MikeEdgerton

#5.... You know what has 27 legs and three teeth

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## chip

You have a $20,000 mandolin and live in your pickup....

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## Bill Snyder

> #5.... You know what has 27 legs and three teeth


I may regret this but can you enlighten me?

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## MikeEdgerton

> I may regret this but can you enlighten me?


The front row of a (Insert a bluegrass band name here) concert.

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## barney 59

If you think that a cover of a 45 year old Bob Dylan song is radical.

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## Bill James

If you think that "Kettle Corn" is one of the four major food groups.

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## KMaynard

If you believed "Dr. Ralph Stanley" was really a Presidential Candidate.

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## sunburst

You think Del McCoury sings tenor and Placido Domingo sings "oprey" (if you even know who he is).

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## Fretbear

You have the first clue who Bessie Lee Mauldin is....

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## Chris Biorkman

You're married to your first cousin.

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## mandopete

Love it, love it, love it - keep 'em comming!

Here's another one... 

When your boss says "take a break" you look around for a microphone.

*Bill James* - you have a promising 2nd career as a comedy writer, LOL!

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## MikeEdgerton

July 9, 1923 is a more significant date than July 4, 1776.

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## John McGann

You understand the historical significance, lineage, and pedigree of the accordion in pre-Flatt and Scruggs era Bill Monroe music.

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## Bob Andress

You named your kids Bill, Lester, and Earl (regardless of gender).

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## MikeEdgerton

> You named your kids Bill, Lester, and Earl (regardless of gender).


Now, that was good.

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## leathermarshmallow

You know the real use of a wash tub and a broom handle.

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## andyjingram

You can play 'Whiskey before Breakfast'.

Before Breakfast.

After a couple of whiskeys...

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## man dough nollij

> You know the real use of a wash tub and a broom handle.



You know the proper scale length of a broom handle, and can spend hours online discussing proper intonation...

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## mandozilla

1.) You know a G Run isn't a marathon race.

2.) You know that WSM, besides being the call letters of the Grand Ole Opry, are Bill monroe's initial.

3.) You know that Arnold Schultz isn't the guy who runs the drive-in on the TV show "Happy Days".

4.) You can sing the Marhta White theme song.

5.) You know that the Stanley Brothers recorded Bill Monroe's number "Molly and Tenbrooks" before Bill did.

6.) You know that Sally Ann Forrester's real first name in Wilene.

7.) You know who the BlueGrass Boys' first banjo picker was.

8.) You've seen every bluegrass video on You Tube...twice.

9.) You'd rather attend Bean Blossom than go to Hawaii or the Caribean.

10.) You know the brand of overalls (Pointer) that Mike Compton wears.  :Mandosmiley:

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## DannyB

You tell your wife you're taking her on a beautiful Caribbean vacation and forget to mention it's a Bluegrass Cruise.

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## farmerjones

You instinctively know when to use the terms, "Son," and "Mash on it," with the proper annunciation and inflection. 


You wear Benny Martin, tu-tone wingtips with your bib-overalls.

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## kmiller1610

When you hear the term "capo" you don't immediately think of the guy who works for Tony Soprano....

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## Skip Kelley

When you hear "G string", you think of an instruments string not a small underwear!! Or either I am getting old! :Smile:

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## Rick Schmidlin

You play it around the house LOUD even if the wife hates it (except for Del)

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## Troy Mayfield

Every song you hear on the radio becomes a candidate to be "grassed"!

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## sunburst

You play music outside a lot, and you're not in a marching band.

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## John Gardinsky

You have 6 different artists versions of the same song and are still looking for more.

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## man dough nollij

10) You feel the need to correct the grammar of anyone who uses the phrase "That is no part of anything".  :Popcorn:

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## Chris Wofford

You broke your mandolin over the head of the guy who said Chris Thile is a bluegrass musician.

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## Bob Andress

Your favorite day of the week is MONday.

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## blawson

Your drink of choice comes in a Mason jar.

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## Timbofood

You start to slice things very,very thinly.
OOps, wrong mandolin (e)

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## ilovemyF9

You mean, the strings on my mandolin are ment to be changed? NO WAY!

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## sgarrity

You've debated the finer points of red, Englemann, and sitka spruce topped instruments.

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## Ivan Kelsall

I play Banjo,Guitar & now Mandolin - that should be enough to give other folks a hint !,
                                                                                                                   Saska  :Grin:

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## grassrootphilosopher

Despite the fact that she´s not into your kind of music, when you are in company of people and just to keep you from delivering long monologues, your wife provides everyone with distinct, elaborate, informative and acurate bluegrass trivia.

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## Michael Ramsey

You usually have a stash of SON!!!!!! stickers with you to distribute to the bluegrass-lingo-savvy crowd.

That'll be me in a nutshell.

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## CES

You turn your family into a band, insisting the 3 year old play fiddle (b/c you know she won't care that she sounds horrible, your audience will think she's adorable, and in 8-10 years you'll have a prodigy on your hands)!  BTW, not my family...can't get my daughter to play anything (though she will sing with me) and my son doesn't want to play anything but the drums...

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## CES

> You broke your mandolin over the head of the guy who said Chris Thile is a bluegrass musician.


...and took his to make up for your loss  :Grin:   :Mandosmiley:

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## TerryBurnsKing

...your washer and dryer are full of picks...
...you have as many stickers on your car as you do your mandolin case...
...you talk about "ol' Del" or "ol' Ronnie" or "ol' Bill"...
...you threaten to quit your job every year if they don't let you off for Merlefest...
...you can memorize all four days of a festival schedule...
...you're disappointed 'cause your kids DON'T play music...

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## AlanN

...you play songs nobody knows...
...your CD collection has stuff nobody has ever heard of...
...you listen to the radio and wonder 'Where's the trio?' (apols to J. Duffey)...
...you're fond of saying 'I hate the new country music'...
...you score the car tag PICKIN, even though you know 99.9% of drivers passing you will put their finger on their nose, laugh uproariously, and speed away...
...you look at the crummiest of bands instrument headstocks very carefully...

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## RichieK

You're watching a rerun of Green Acres, and when Mr.Haney comes on, you wonder if he's related to Carleton.

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## Phillip Tigue

> ...your CD collection has stuff nobody has ever heard of...


So true.  I had a HUGE collection that got stolen once (in a church parking lot nonetheless) of nothing but grass.

I know they were thinking...*WHAT!?!?!?*

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## Mike Snyder

You only watch Andy when the Darlings are on.

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## Timbofood

You watch "The Beverly Hillbillies" so you can confirm the words to "Pearl, Pearl,Pearl."
You watch "Andy" all the time to try and catch the "Kentucky Colonels"

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## lgc

You listen to it a lot.

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## David Back

You tell your wife that you are looking at naked pictures not that cafe web site again/still.

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## MoBob

you know what it means to be lonesome.

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## Bigtuna

You had your lawn care service dye your lawn blue.

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## mandopete

> you know what it means to be lonesome.


Serious LOL!   :Laughing:

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## Jordan Young

You considerd voting for Obama because of the youtube video that had Ralph Stanley praising him...

You have ever been complemented by someone sayin man you sure can play that little guitar thingy really good...

You have more than 5 different recordings of Bluegrass Breakdown and one of the recordings is yourself

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## RichieK

You've read every one of these posts and now you're re-reading each and every one of them out loud to your wife... but she's not laughing as much as you thought she would!

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## JeffD

> #5.... You know what has 27 legs and three teeth


The overnight crew at four Waffle House restaurants?  

 :Disbelief:  :Laughing:

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## Timbofood

You are embarassed to read this to your wife!

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## M Hollen

> You have 6 different artists versions of the same song and are still looking for more.


Now that's funny 'cause it's true!   :Laughing:

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## M Hollen

If you know Doc (Arthel) Watson's first name.

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## Jordan Young

> You've read every one of these posts and now you're re-reading each and every one of them out loud to your wife... but she's not laughing as much as you thought she would!



Dose it count if your reading it to your mother??? haha :Mandosmiley:

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## mandopete

> You've read every one of these posts and now you're re-reading each and every one of them out loud to your wife... but she's not laughing as much as you thought she would!



True dat!

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## mandozilla

When you catch yourself saying things at jams like; 

'that ain't the way Bill played it' 

or 'play it like it was wrote" 

or 'Sooey" 

or 'jump in and hang on'.

or 'You ain't exactly Earl Scruggs but you sure are Flatt Lester'

or 'who's kicking this one off'?

 :Laughing:  :Laughing:  :Laughing:  :Laughing: 

 :Mandosmiley:

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## Mike Bromley

> 10) You feel the need to correct the grammar of anyone who uses the phrase "That is no part of anything".



That don't make no never mind.

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## Howard33

You've seriously considered have a tooth or two removed just so you won't feel so awkward when you go to festivals and the music makes you smile.

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## Phillip Tigue

You feel buck dancing should be allowed on "Dancing With the Stars."

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## Kentucky

You got to Bean Blossom early enough for the fall show to spend Friday afternoon helping Bill fire up the woodstoves in the old barn.

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## AlanN

You finally (finally) have gotten over (almost) the embarassment of admitting that you listen to it and like it.

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## Denny Gies

You know all the words to "No School Bus in Heaven" and sing it frequently.

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## mandopete

> You know all the words to "No School Bus in Heaven" and sing it frequently.


No School Bus In Heaven - now that's a bluegrass tear-jerker for sure!

_On Route 23 in Eastern Kentucky
A school bus wrecked there in the county of Floyd
It left many parents weeping and mourning
It took away the lives of their little girls and boys
These little school children have gone on to glory
No lessons to study, no worry or cares
They're now rejoicing and walking with Jesus
They won't have to ride on a school bus up there

God please watch over these heart broken families
Please give them the courage to go on alone
Show them the right road that leads up to Heaven
Once more with their families, they'll all be at home
These little school children have gone on to glory
No lessons to study, no worry or cares
They're now rejoicing and walking with Jesus
They won't have to ride on a school bus up there_

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## Fretbear

You can tolerate listening to someone sing "Two Little Boys" even if you can't personally bring yourself to do so....

Your girlfriend's name begins with "Little".....

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## toddjoles

1) stop chop and roll is more useful than stop drop and roll. 

2) you have interupted a jam playing Can't you here me calling to remind everyone it's Bess not best!

3) you've set your wifes ringtone on her phone to Roll in my Sweet Baby's Arms and she hates Bluegrass!

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## jim simpson

You are embarassed when your friends spot your collection of non-bluegrass cd's.

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## Michael Ramsey

> You can tolerate listening to someone sing "Two Little Boys" even if you can't personally bring yourself to do so....
> 
> Your girlfriend's name begins with "Little".....


You're so up on continuing traditions that.....

....your girlfriend's name begins with "Little" because she is....
but....

....you can't bring yourself to kill her (as traditions require) because she's a good bluegrass fiddler....

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## Denny Gies

Mandopete; you need more medication.  Mine is finally working....a little bit.

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## viv

> You're so up on continuing traditions that.....
> 
> ....your girlfriend's name begins with "Little" because she is....
> but....
> 
> ....you can't bring yourself to kill her (as traditions require) because she's a good bluegrass fiddler....


*very* serious LOL action..... :Laughing:

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## Timbofood

You keep trying to find a "Lester Flatt G run" to apply as a ringtone on your wife's cellphone but, frustrated because you can't!

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## blacksmith

You subscribe to XM/Sirius and 65 is the only button you've programmed.

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## mandozilla

When you dream of gizmos like clip on mini-teleprompters to attach to your mandolin peghead so won't forget the lyrics ever again. Or built in LED spotlights in your tuner that will illuminate your fretboard in poor lighting conditions... :Laughing: 

 :Mandosmiley:

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## BradyK

You know you're into bluegrass... when you've become lightning fast at turning down the volume of your PC so the hot co-worker can't hear that you're streaming bluegrass radio when she walks in your office!

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## mandozilla

When the names Gladys and Louise have meaning to you.  :Grin: 

 :Mandosmiley:

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## Jackie Walters

You keep picks in your pockets, your purse-(in my case), in each room of the house, in your car..you never know when you'll need them.

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## mandozilla

> You keep picks in your pockets, your purse-(in my case), in each room of the house, in your car..you never know when you'll need them


Hah Hah  Jackie I do the same, well...except the purse part. A lot of BGrassers are pretty anal about their picks.  :Laughing: 

And you're so right about never knowing when...especially if I'm trying out a mando at a store or whatever...nothing like having familiar picks.  :Grin: 

 :Mandosmiley:

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## Leevon DeCourley

This one came to me during rehersal the other night...........If you know workers, at different Waffle Houses around the country, by name.

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## Fretbear

You're familiar with the terms "Slewfoot" and "Demijohn"......

You know a surprising amount about how to mine coal, even though you've never been in one.....

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## mandozilla

If you know who the 'Georgia Rose' is...was?.. :Grin: 

 :Mandosmiley:

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## Darryl Wolfe

You know that Bluegrass Unlimited used to be stapled in the corner and then folded in half and taped shut

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## JeffD

> This one came to me during rehersal the other night...........If you know workers, at different Waffle Houses around the country, by name.


LOL now that is great  :Laughing:

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## JeffD

> You understand the historical significance, lineage, and pedigree of the accordion in pre-Flatt and Scruggs era Bill Monroe music.



 :Disbelief:   Now that is "into" bluegrass.   :Mandosmiley:

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## JeffD

> You tell your wife that you are looking at naked pictures not that cafe web site again/still.


 :Laughing:  :Laughing:   and she is relieved!!!   :Crying:

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## Timbofood

I don't know Darryl, that could also be the fact that I'm old!

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## thirdstation

... There's more Grass in your house than your front yard.

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## Michael Ramsey

....you are a part of the problem, due to the fact that you have the SON!!!!!! stickers on your cases, vehicles, various doors and for sale on your personal web site....see below.   :Wink:

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## CES

> You know you're into bluegrass... when you've become lightning fast at turning down the volume of your PC so the hot co-worker can't hear that you're streaming bluegrass radio when she walks in your office!


Nah...you're into bluegrass when you don't bother to turn it down when the hot coworker walks in...if she don't get it, she ain't worth it!!  SON!!!

BTW, my wife doesn't get it at all...she can tolerate newgrass stuff OK, but Del McCoury makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up...BUT, we're going on 13 years and a couple kids now, so either she's secretly got a thang for the banjo (she tells me to sell it and buy a new mandolin...I keep skipping the first part and buying mandolins  :Grin:  or she's just learned to ignore me (somehow I think it's the latter)...

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## CES

> This one came to me during rehersal the other night...........If you know workers, at different Waffle Houses around the country, by name.


Best Waffle House waitress ever was a lady named Joan in Spartanburg, SC...try to dispute that claim and I feel certain she'll find you and beat your @$%!!  (Seriously, she would, and she was awesome...tolerated us and our pitiful college kid tips through 3 years of post FCA meetings...we took a picture with her the month we graduated)...Patty melt, anyone??

EDIT:  Sorry about the bad word above, but Joan would have beaten mine if she caught me using the words "Behind" or "hiney"....

 :Mandosmiley: 
 :Coffee:

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## texasmandolion

You have more money invested in picks than you do in your wardrobe
Your motivation of going to church, you do want feel like a ball lost in tall grass
If you cashed in all of your instruments; you could retire AND buy a new house
Yearly vacations are planned around what festival/festivals you can get into a good jam 
Your mandolin case cost more than your mandolin
when you buy strings, you consider the playability like a mechanical engineer looks a guidelines on a bridge

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## JeffD

.....you are willing to pay 67% more for the scroll.

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## Jordan Young

If you have ever took your mandolin to school and someone has asked you to play "The Devil Went Down To Gorgia" It happens evertime time I take mine to school...the sad part is more than one person asks me to...

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## KimRoulias

Okay, guys, I've been thinking about this for days, and I think I've come up with one...here's one.... Part I: You know what Chubby Wise's real first and middle names are...

Part II: and you called him that before everybody started calling him "Chubby"!!  How's that?

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## Jim Broyles

Kim, I KNOW you are not in your 90s! You couldn't have called Mr. Wise Robert Russell before people started calling him "Chubby!"

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## mandozilla

Part I Robert Russel Dees.  :Grin: 

Part II Don't rightly know.  :Confused: 

But I do know his name was changed (Unofficially I'm sure) because he was raised by his aunt and uncle..his uncles surname was Wise.  :Grin: 

BTW. Kim you are an official 'Mandokook" (*Mando*lin *k*eeper *o*f *o*dd *k*nowledge)...So *Wise* for one so young.  :Laughing: 

 :Mandosmiley:

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## Cedartop

You plan your family vacations to cover the most bluegrass festivals.

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## mandozilla

So Kim, will we ever know the answer to Part II of the question?  :Confused:  It's been 10 days since you posted the question and it's driving me nuts!  :Disbelief: 

 :Mandosmiley:

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## KimRoulias

> So Kim, will we ever know the answer to Part II of the question?  It's been 10 days since you posted the question and it's driving me nuts!


Oops! I'm sorry, I got sidetracked with actual work, like at my job, which does not -- unfortunately -- involve playing the mandolin!  :Whistling: 

Yes, I'm not in my 90s... just a big fan of Chubby Wise. Did Part II require an answer?   :Laughing:  

And yes, when I first got Sirius radio, I did ask them if I could get a discount because the only channel I would be listening to is Bluegrass 65, yes!! 65 -- A very good year... when I was born... in the South land...

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## banjotom

Since I also play the banjo, I feel that I can say this...  You know at least 4 different banjo jokes off the top of your head (and if you play the banjo, you know at least one joke for each instrument in the band to use as a comeback!!)   ... Hey, if I couldn't laugh at myself Id've gone crazy months ago! :Grin: 

You look more forward to the local memorial day festival than the week-long trip to Florida you're taking the week after!!

Honest, both of these are true for me! :Grin:

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