# Music by Genre > Bluegrass, Newgrass, Country, Gospel Variants >  Funny bluegrass lyrics

## Tom Mullen

When I think of Bluegrass songs, all I hear are the songs that have the same old lonesome and mournful words that tear your heart out. Carter and Bill could write them the best.

What about funny lyrics in BG songs??? I can think of only a few....

Better Times a-coming.
I Cant Tell the Boys from the Girls.
Backing to Birmingham

Let hear some others........

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## ourgang

How about "Pearl, Pearl, Pearl"? Lester and Earl

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## JHo

"Who's leaving who", off Jim Lauderdale's "Bluegrass" is still somewhat lonesome and mournful in nature, but lyrically really funny at the same time.

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## Tom Mullen

We can't forget some of Jimmy Martin's songs, but most of those can be in the "corny to ridiculous" category. Such gems as "Dog Bite Your Hide". My favorite line from that song is "when you roll your eyes like a dying calf" BMAOL.

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## MikeEdgerton

Nothing is better than Smokey Greene's "I just don't look good naked anymore".

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## Mandomax

Stay all night
that line about the mule eating ice cream and getting sick so they laid him on a beam absolutely slays me!

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## Fred Keller

Second vote for Jimmy. I love the way he sings the corniest lyrics with the utmost amount of testicular fortitude  .

"Hi de diddley ho de hum/Hi de diddle won't you kiss-a-me some"

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## Treblemaker

John Hartford:
Granny Wontcha Smoke Some
2 Hits and the Joint Turned Brown
Don't Leave Your Records in the Sun
Good Old Electric Washing Machine
Golden Globe Awards

-Treblemaker
www.WorldWideTed.com

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## JHo

Jimmy is kind of like a musical Ned Flanders. Hi-diddly-deedly-doodly, neighbor.

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## carlnut

Sleepy eyed John  Jim and Jesse and the ugly girl song I mentioned this morning on another thread.

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## mandopete

"When your phone don't ring, it'll be me."

  - James King

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## Zako

No Homer and Jethro?

Although their humor was of a different era.

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## bnjrpkr

sugar coated love
leftover me

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## Tighthead

I always thought this line from Larry Sparks was pretty funny:

"The last suit you wear
Won't need no pockets..."

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## Leevon DeCourley

I second the ugly girl song.

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## Sal Mando

Don't know who wrote but I heard it once:

"I wanna kiss her b-u-u-u-u-t she won't let me,
I wanna whisper sweet nothins' in her &reg;ear"

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## Willie Poole

How about "Two Fat Men In A Hudson Hornet"? Or even "Salty Dog"

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## Steve G

"Grab your partner, swing her 'round, 'til the hole in her head makes a whistlin' sound."

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## deadsteam

Best Friend 
The best friend I ever had just ran off with my wife
and he'll stay my best long as he don't bring her back 
Mike Cross tune

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## jaco

Homer and Jethro's version of the Tennessee Waltz.

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## mandopete

> How about "Two Fat Men In A Hudson Hornet"? Or even "Salty Dog"


Or even *20 Naked Pentecostcals In A Pontiac*!

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## Steve1452

I just ran across a song on Grisman's Bluegrass Reunion CD "I'm Just Here to Get My Baby Out of Jail"

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## Jean Fugal

I always liked the Ol' Bluegrass Rap classic by Lester Flatt "Drinkin' That Mash,Talkin' That Trash"
Puffdaddy and Five cent ain't got a thing on ol Lester  jpf

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## woodwizard

I'm My Own Grandpa

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## John Flynn

This may be more old-time than bluegrass, but close enough! My favorite funny lyric is the second verse of "Greasy Coat."

I don't spit and I don't chew
And I don't go with girls that do.

Now those are words to live by!

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## hattio

I don't know if it's "true" bluegrass, but a guy here does a song called I won't go huntin with you Jake. He's told me about a hundred times who its by, but I can never remember.

I'll second Jimmy Martin. Skip Hop and Wobble is a good amusing one. Hit Parade of love is funny too.


In the somewhat bluegrass category;
Henry--New Riders of the Purple Sage
I ain't brok but I'm badly bent--Old and in the Way
I know there must be a dozen other ones, but I can't think of them.

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## Jean Fugal

I won't go huntin with you Jake. He's told me about a hundred times who its by, but I can never remember

Jimmy Dean Words and music by Stuart Hamblen    JPF

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## Michael Lewis

Just about anything by Doo Doo Wah. Several albums of pretty funny stuff, and well worth looking upl

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## allenhopkins

Lester Flatt, _Backin' To Birmingham_
Stanley Brothers. _How Far To Little Rock?_
Charles River Valley Boys, _You Better Pray To the Lord When You See Those Flying Saucers_
Wretched Refuse String Band, _Thumbelina_ (parody)
Dillards, _Buckin' Mule_
Bottle Hill, _No One Knows What Marvin Knows, The Old Neon Cross_

Sure to be more, but those are what pop up in memory...

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## f5loar

Hard to forget the Lost & Found's "Left Over Biscuts"
Jimmy Martin's "Poor Little Bull Frog" and "Boss of This Here House"and "Dog Bite Your Hide"and "I Can't Quit Cigarettes" and "I Pulled A Boo-Boo" and "Goin' Ape"
The Dillard's "The Biggest Whatever" and "Dooley"
And forget the Tenn. group but the Tenn. hit song
There is 5 pounds of opposum in my headlights tonight"
The Osborne Bros. "Gal You got A Job To Do" and "The Kind of Woman I Got"
The Country Gentlemen(with Duffy)"Big Bad Bruce"

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## tbyron

[QUOTE]Nothing is better than Smokey Greene's "I just don't look good naked anymore". 

--------------
Mike

I agree with Mike I love Smokey Greene. #How about Pickin' WIth Them Little Green Men.

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## tbyron

I agree with Mike. I love I Just Don't Look Good Naked Anymore. And how about another Smokey Greene classic...Pickin' With Them Little Green Men.

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## tbyron

Sorry I am new to this and did not realize the first one posted. :Frown:

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## BoneDigger

My favorite? #Here's some Grandpa Jones (and he had some good ones!)...

"My wife died a Friday Night
Saturday she was buried
Sunday was my courtin day, and
Monday I got married!"

That's just good stuff there!

Todd

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## mrkrgr

I like the following lyrics for "Salty Dog"

I like hominy I like grits
I like girls with great big eye's
Honey let me be your Salty Dog

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## tree

The first verse of Rabbit in a Log just kills me. #A rhyme scheme that pairs "briar" with "hair" - what's not to love?

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## mikeyes

"Pa Fell Asleep and the Hogs Ate Him" #

Anything by Chicken Hot Rod or the Geezinslaw Brothers (OK, maybe not, but at least there is mandolin content.)

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## CollingsPicker

How bout Tim O' Brien's "If I can't Live without you How come I ain't Dead" HAHA 

David Watson

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## sgarrity

Tim O'Brien's "Runnin' Out of Memory For You" on his cornbread Nation recording. Not necessarialy hardcore bluegrass, but darn funny stuff!

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## f5loar

I thought it was:
I like Ham, I like Grits
And I like girls with great big feet
Honey let me be your Salty Dog.

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## John Flynn

Uncle Cuckleburrs Champion Possum Carvers is group that defies genres to some extent. They are part old-time, part bluegrass, part folk and part just crazy. They have a great tune called, "Peaches Blew Up and Killed the Chickens." They claim it is based on a true story.

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## bienkow1

Stanley Bros.

"Tall Skinny Lanky Sarah Jane"

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## Philip Halcomb

Drink up and Go Home

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## PaulD

How about some that were intended to be "sweet" but have nefarious overtones: _On And On_ is one of my all-time favorite Bluegrass stalker tunes. It's the story of a guy whose girlfriend was concerned enough to move out of town without a forwarding address. The guy's friends all recognize why she left ("they think I'm to blame"), but he vows not to sleep until he finds her and can be by her side. He's not threatening to mess her up, he's just a harmless stalker (or is he???). 

pd

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## Tom C

Groove Grass Boyz: 
Del's version of Bluegrass Girls
"...She sings like Lester and looks like Earl?!"


Ol' Bill"

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## WJF

"Over there stands a blind man - So blind that he can't see - He ain't complaining - Why should you or me?" Jimmy Martin.  A truly classic line I think ...

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## Patrick Sylvest

Tom T. Hall's 'Ballad of Forty Dollars'

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## acousticcowboy

I have thoroughly enjoyed mandolin cafe for months. New to mandolin, I finally joined. You guys are a wealth of knowledge and humor! I loved this thread! I will find some more to share if I can!

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## takwas

She talks in her sleep but she always gets my name right.
    Del McCoury

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## Marc Ferry

I know this thread is old, but I thought I should add two tunes: "Putting on the Dog", a song where a guy has a wife who desperately wants a fur coat, and he hits a dog on the highway and turns it into a fur coat for her, and "Homegrown Tomatoes".

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## Jacob Hagerty

Bumper Sticker by Keller Williams and the traveling McCourys.

"It's hard to mow my lawn, when my grass is blue.
Sometimes it gets all dirty, like when a hippie don't use shampoo.
Sometimes it dreads into dreadlocks, but the rain can make it new.
It's hard to mow my lawn, when my grass is blue."

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## rfloyd

Heard this one at a jam session:

Two necrophiliacs layin' in a bed
Each one wishin' the other was dead
Honey let me be your Salty Dog

These were in an article from years ago about funny lyrics in country songs:

If you want to keep your beer real cold,
Put it next to my ex-wife's heart

You can't make a heel toe the mark

I gave up "Hello, Honey" and "Good morning, Daddy" for this?

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## TonyP

this one kills me:

Hard Luck In Heaven

(Scott Huffman/Spruce and Maple Music/ASCAP)
Scott- lead vocal, Laurie, Tom- harmony vocals
What if our "pie in the sky" is burnt?

While on this old Earth, Lord, I’ve suffered, I’ve cried
Things don’t work out, Lord, as hard as I've tried
I’ll have up in Glory a crown for my prize
But knowin’ my luck, Lord, it’ll be the wrong size

Hard luck in Heaven, please say it ain’t so
‘Cause down here on Earth Lord, it’s all that I know
When I’m in my mansion, will the roof leak there too?
Hard luck in Heaven, please say it ain’t true

I’ve always been hard luck, it’s always been true
So I’m not expecting any different from you
When I get my wings, Lord, they won’t fit me right
I’ll be flappin’ in circles o’er the City of Light

Hard luck in Heaven, please say it ain’t so
‘Cause down here on Earth Lord, it’s all that I know
When I’m in my mansion, will the roof leak there too?
Hard luck in Heaven, please say it ain’t true

Now, Lord, please forgive me for thinkin’ this way
But hard times just haunt me each night and all day
When the angels start singin’ and they pass out the harps
Knowin’ my luck, Lord, mine’ll be tuned too sharp

Hard luck in Heaven, please say it ain’t so
‘Cause down here on Earth Lord, it’s all that I know
When I’m in my mansion, will the roof leak there too?
Hard luck in Heaven, please say it ain’t true
Hard luck in Heaven, please say it ain’t true

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## Steve VandeWater

Songs with funny lyrics:
Old Devils Dream
Sittin' on Top of the World
Cindy,Cindy (get along home)
My good Old Rambling Days
In the Jailhouse Now

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## Steve VandeWater

Songs with funny lyrics:
Old Devils Dream
Sittin' on Top of the World
Cindy,Cindy (get along home)
My good Old Rambling Days
In the Jailhouse Now
Mountain Dew

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## Mandoplumb

Reno and Smiley.  Barefoot Nellie
Standley brothers. Keep Them Cold Icy Fingers Off Of Me
Standley Brothers.  Let's Go To at the Fair

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## Kowboy

How about Bile Them Cabbage Down:

Took my girl to the blacksmith shop
To have her mouth made small
She turned around a time or two
And swallowed the shop and all

Met a possum on the road
Blind as he could be
Jumped the fence and whipped my dog
And bristled up at me

Once I had an old gray mule
His name was Simon Slick
He'd roll his eyes and back his ears
And how that mule could kick

How that mule would kick
He kicked with his dying breath
He shoved his hind feet down his throat
And kicked himself to death

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## allenhopkins

Mike Seeger had some additional lyrics to _Boil Them Cabbage Down:

As I was walking 'crost the field, singing oh so gaily,
Chilly wind blew through the trees and froze my ukulele.

Took my girl for a horseback ride, she liked it quite a bit;
Horse it bucked and threw her off into a pile of leaves.

Gave my girl a wristwatch, she swallowed it one day,
Now she's taking Epsom salts to pass the time away.

Epsom salts they did not work, the time it did not pass;
Now if you want to know the time, look up my baby's phone number._

And yes, I know that they don't rhyme...

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## jaycat

> Heard this one at a jam session:
> 
> Two necrophiliacs layin' in a bed
> Each one wishin' the other was dead
> Honey let me be your Salty Dog


OK, I just did a spit take . . .

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## fatt-dad

"If you can't afford the hoof, don't stand behind the mule." (Some Vassar song)
"The gangster rap and the cowboy hat just make me feel uncouth."  (Owl Feather, John Hartford)

I'll think of others. . .

f-d

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## Alex Orr

I never really thought of "Old Devil's dream" as funny...maybe it is if you're younger?  In some ways it's one of the more sad bluegrass tunes I know.  

Hands down I'll go with "Backin' to Birmingham", a ridiculous and bizarre song that makes me wonder if one, just once, Lester got passed a funny cigarette at a jam and didn't know it until the effects kicked in.  That part where the gas station attendant asks which way he's backing is pure comedic gold.

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Kowboy

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