Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

[journeybear]

Well you've never heard Matthias Loibner I guess! Or Le Vent du Nord!

If Colin is talking about having a hurdy-gurdy around the house, I'm sure he has. Repeatedly. I repeat, repeatedly. Too much of a good thing can get on one's nerves. Especially if it's being played by someone not on the same level as these musicians. I suspect that's the case here.

[zedmando]

Excepting the hurdy-gurdy, which isn’t funny under any circumstances.
In my house, it’s excruciating.

So this would be excruciating?
What's the difference between a trampoline and a hurdy-gurdy? It's lots more fun to jump on the hurdy-gurdy.

Okay.

I kind of like the hurdy-gurdy.

[Colin Lindsay]

Well you've never heard Matthias Loibner I guess! Or Le Vent du Nord!

Yes I have, but that’s not funny - it’s brilliant music!
The first time I played mine, my daughter walked the entire length of the house from her room, gave me a withering look and said: “Never ever play that again.” Then walked off. It’s not an instrument to be timid with, as it can’t be played quietly, but at volume it just sounds like a cat going through a mincer. I’ll persevere. Just when I’m alone, though…

[mrmando]

Earl: You know who wrote the greatest banjo music ever?
Merle: No. Who did, Earl?
Earl: Mozart.
Merle: But Earl, Mozart never wrote no banjo music!
Earl: Ain't that the truth!

[Tobin]

This was actually told to me by a banjo player at a jam. Apparently it's an old joke, but I'd never heard it before. Most of the humor is in the delivery.

A few weeks ago, I took my banjo to the nursing home with a few other pickers to play for the old folks, since they really love that old-time music. We played for an hour in the cafeteria after they had finished their lunch, and everyone seemed to enjoy it. When we were packing up, one of the nurses asked me if I would mind playing a little for a patient who used to be a banjo player, but was bed-ridden and couldn't attend our session in the cafeteria.

I told her I'd be pleased and honored to go to his room and play a little for him. So we went down the hall to his room and I greeted him, but he was non-responsive. I could tell he wasn't sleeping, but he just had a glassy look in his eyes. So I picked a little on my banjo for him, but got no response. I did a few more tunes, playing louder and faster, hoping it would elicit some response. Still nothing, though. After a little while, my fellow pickers came in and told me it was time for us to go.

Before I left, I leaned over to the man and said, "Take care, sir, I hope you get better."

He looked up at me and said, "Good Lord, I hope you do too."

[Petrus]

I love any kind of drone sound, like hurdy-gurdy and sitar and that sort of thing ... I can listen to it for hours, it's very meditative. I went and mixed a cut of my mandolin improvizations (managing to evoke a vaguely Middle Eastern melody somehow) over an edit of the most droney portion of Loibner's hurdy-gurdy. My TCOM is pushed to the left and right channels, with the drone in the middle:

https://soundcloud.com/thepetrosproj...loibnerdrone-c

I also did this with the drone portion of the Velvet Underground's "Venus in Furs." I think this is a less successful mix. (The VU track uses a sitar effects pedal, iirc, and John Cale's electric viola):

https://soundcloud.com/thepetrosproj...5lr-venusdrone

[Gan Ainm]

Why did the Zen master study the banjo?
.
.
.
.
.

Nope, That's not it. Keep working.

[Dan Co1e]

A mandolin player walks into a biker bar, sits down and says, "So, anyone want to hear a banjo joke?"

The burly bartender says, "I'm a banjo player."

The Hell's Angel next to him says, "I play banjo."

The scarred up biker to his other side says, "These two are my sons and I play banjo."

The bartender says, "So, do you still want to tell that banjo joke?"

The mandolin player answers, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

[JeffD]

Did you know you can make a banjo player's car go faster by taking the pizza sign off the roof?

[Eddie Sheehy]

Two banjo players walked into a building... You'd think one of them would have seen it...

[mrmando]

Pete Seeger is shopping for groceries. About halfway through his list he realizes he left his banjo in the back seat of his car with the door unlocked. He leaves his grocery cart in the aisle and runs out to the parking lot, but it's too late.

Someone's already put another banjo in there with it.

[Eddie Sheehy]

Perfect Pitch: The sound of a banjo hitting an accordion in the bottom of a dumpster...

[Bill Stokes]

This cartoon from the March New Yorker.

[Gary Leonard]

The US Postal Service has issued many stamps to honor great musicians from Luis Armstrong, Robert Johnson, Hank Williams, The Carter Family, LeadBelly, Roy Acuff, Johnny Cash, Jimi Hendrix are just a few. There has only been one issue that features a banjo on it, an ill fated 1995 stamp that was discontinued shortly after first issue due to numerous complaints that the stamps were defective, and kept falling off.

Due to the large number of complaints, the stamps were pulled, and a inquiry committee was formed to investigate the failure so this would never happen again. The inquiry found:

1. The stamps were not defective.
2. The adhesive was fine, and adhered to all paper tested.
3. People were spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

[Bill Snyder]

[MK in NC]

The leader of Chatham County Line (which features mandolin from John Teer) offers this observation via Twitter:

[farmerjones]

guitar review: Fully bound, thinly planed Engelmann spruce top with forward shifted scalloped 5/16 X bracing. Pre-treatise Rosewood back and sides with a fine koa inlay. Neck, fully bound with fine inlay, and gold tuners atop a vintage vee profile.

banjer review: Shipping weight 46 lbs.

[pops1]

How do you get two banjo players to play in tune??? Shoot one

How do you get the banjo player off your porch??? Pay him for the pizza

[DHopkins]

The leader of Chatham County Line (which features mandolin from John Teer) offers this observation via Twitter:

I've been to that banjo shop in LaGrange, GA. I've never seen so many banjos in one place in all my life.

[HonketyHank]

...

Hey, I just learned a really neat tune about you. I thought you were a legend.

[HonketyHank]

[Teak]

I've been to that banjo shop in LaGrange, GA. I've never seen so many banjos in one place in all my life.

Which means that you've never been to the American Banjo Museum in Oklahoma City, OK.

http://www.americanbanjomuseum.com/

I went through it last year in April before attending a wedding. The wedding was fun.

[Traceyleezle]

These are adapted from jokes about a stringed instrument that would be the orchestras counterpart to the banjo...

Whats the difference between a coffin and a banjo?

~the dead person is on the inside.

If you're lost in the desert, what do you aim for? A good banjo player, a bad banjo player or an oasis?

~ The bad banjo player. The other two are only figments of your imagination

What do you call a bunch of banjo players in a hot tub?

~Vegetable soup.

And one for the instrument these were really meant for:

Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?

~They both give you a nice warm feeling without making any sound.

I knew it was a viola instantly, even before I read the last joke. My father played viola in several symphonies/orchestras and was the butt of many of these jokes.

[Relio]

What do you call a person with good timing at a banjo contest? A member of the audience.

[farmerjones]

What do they say to a banjer picker in a suit?

White suit: "Hello Mr. Martin."

Black suit: "Will the defendant please rise."