*SHOCKING* Lloyd Loars melted down to make new ukes!

[Jess L.]

(above) A Lloyd Loar mandolin at a processing facility

NEW YORK, April 2022 - A revolutionary new high-tech distillation process allows the active ingredient in tonewood to be extracted from existing instruments and applied to new woods.

This makes it possible to capture the great sound of high-quality yet seldom-played instruments such as Stradivarius violins and Lloyd Loar mandolins, and apply those tonal characteristics to new wood which can be used to build more-popular acoustic instruments such as guitars and ukuleles.

The distilled concentrate from just one average Lloyd Loar mandolin is so incredibly powerful that it can create up to 52,000 great-sounding pro-level acoustic guitars or 82,000 high-end ukuleles.

The concept has quickly proven to be very popular among musicians as well as luthiers.

"It's financially advantageous to all parties," says the chief engineer and founder of Advanced Instrument Repurposing, Jim Smith, shown above carefully initiating the distillation process.

"This is a great way to honor and re-purpose old high-end instruments that are currently just sitting in stuffy museums and private collections where, sadly, hardly anyone ever plays them," said Smith.

"It gives these instruments new life and relevance, and allows the great luthiers' legacies to continue to be appreciated by many more musicians than is currently possible."

Smith says that new instrument builders and their customers will no longer have to gamble on the tonal properties of wood. Instead, they can precisely specify what sort of tone they want. "We have tons of comparative audio samples so there is no ambiguity as to whether it's a 'dark' or 'bright' or 'woody' tone or whatever other quality that they're seeking. Then we just match that up with relevant entries in our database, custom-treat the desired selection of new wood with the appropriate distilled instrument essences, and voila there's that sound."

It is also possible to combine desired sounds, to produce a hybrid super-instrument that has the best tonal features of several instruments simultaneously. "We are exploring custom/hybrid blends on a per-request basis," said Smith.

"Of course we realize that some owners are rather attached to their instruments and they may be hesitant to engage in the process. To help alleviate separation anxiety, for each person who's thinking of selling us one of their prized instruments for acceptance into the distillation program, we offer a free custom built-to-order replica instrument as a courtesy, which looks and sounds identical to the original. We also have professional counselors on 24/7 standby to further ensure a smooth transition to this new phase of a prized instrument's life."

"It's an exciting new frontier in musical instrument development," Smith said.



April 1, 2022

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[daLimuHead]

Sign me up!

I want several ukes with a mandolin-Loar sound in my arsenal of mighty ukes!

Can I order them on April 2nd?

[journeybear]

I saw part of this on the news. I'd tuned in midway through the story while channel surfing, so I appreciate your posting the full story.

I remember hearing about the essence being incorporated into the construction of guitars and ukuleles. There was an offhand comment about the failure of Smith et al to instill any improvement into banjos. Something to do with the unique characteristics of the contraption's configuration being resistant to any improvement in sonic quality. I took that to mean that making a banjo sound good was utterly impossible. I had to chuckle knowingly, as this is something we've already known or at least assumed for a long time; this just proved it scientifically.

I guess the author of this article left that bit out, wanting to emphasize the positivity of the AIR heads' achievement.

[JEStanek]

They tried doing it with Schmergel Devastators(TM) first but, they melted the furnace. When Chuck Norris punches a Schmergel Devastator, he breaks.

Jamie

[tmsweeney]

I applied for one of those transition councilor jobs, you know work from home, easy hours, friendly work environment, but the response to my application was - "you ain't no part of nuthin'"

[Jess L.]

I saw part of this on the news. I'd tuned in midway through the story while channel surfing,

banjos

Yeah, it doesn't work on non-wood sound generators such as found in banjos, drums, sitars, sarods, carbon fiber mandolins, aluminum basses, saxophones, metal low-D whistles, Dobros (or other metal-cone resonator instruments) etc.

One wonders, though, about other types of instruments. I once owned a very sweet-sounding wood-topped banjo, essentially it was just a round-shaped flat-top guitar with a floating bridge, different tuning, different neck and strings, and only 5 strings instead of 6 (so, um, neither guitar nor banjo but it was played like an oldtime banjo), so just based on its construction materials it seems logical that the distillation process would work. Although that instrument wasn't very loud - a beautiful sweet non-banjoesque tone but no one could hear it in a large jam... maybe the distillation process has a volume-boost option?

No word yet as to whether the process is effective for other less-common instruments, such as mandolins with a Virzi, but that's made of wood so maybe it would work.

They tried doing it with Schmergel Devastators(TM) first but, they melted the furnace.

Lol yeah

I applied for one of those transition councilor jobs, you know work from home, easy hours, friendly work environment, but the response to my application was - "you ain't no part of nuthin'"

Oh no! Sounds like they have a Catbert style
of management.

Can I order them on April 2nd?

Not sure... might have to wait until Apr 1, 2023.