Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

[craig.collas]

people walking through the deep jungle hear the sound of drums, their guides say dont worry the time to worry is when the drums stop and so they travel on for three days and suddenly the drums stop one of the travelers says to the now very worried looking guide what now- bass solo

[TerryBurnsKing]

What is wrinkled and sings " Paradise"?
John Prune

[Jim MacDaniel]

I always enjoyed this story about Pink Floyd's Syd Barrett...

"According to Roger Waters, Barrett came into what was to be their last practice session with a new song he had dubbed "Have You Got It, Yet?". The song seemed simple enough when he first presented it to his bandmates, but it soon became impossibly difficult to learn and they eventually realised that while they were practising it, Barrett kept changing the arrangement. He would then play it again, with the arbitrary changes, and sing "Have you got it yet?". Eventually they realised they never would and that they were simply bearing the brunt of Barrett's idiosyncratic sense of humour."

[CES]

In the Reischman vein...

After an All-Region Band concert (I played tenor sax back then, but now am not nearly cool enough to pull it off), one of the older guys who had come back to show "moral support" says, "Ya'll did a nice job!" One of my friends says, "What'd you think of the arrangement of 'Stand By Me'? "

Older guy says, with a complete look of surprise, "Ya'll played Stand By Me???"

[CES]

Banjo Playar: "Doctor, I'm having some pain in my fretting hand."

Doctor: "We have a pill for that, you know."

Banjo Player: "Really! That's great!"

Doctor's Prescription: Cyanide

(No banjo players were harmed in the making of this very bad joke).

[John Flynn]

Here's a visual one that I got from the Buckhannon Brothers. A couple of tunes into a set, Dennis Buckhannon will say, "We're having trouble hearing ourselves, so I'm going to set up the monitor." Then he takes a big picture, dry mounted on foam core, like the one below, and leans it against the mike stand, facing the audience and they proceed to play the next tune and he'll say, "Oh that's better!"

[billhay4]

My first sight reading exercise from Pete Martin.
Bill

[MikeEdgerton]

I posted that a year or two ago and asked if anyone could convert it to tab for me.

[Mandojulie]

Not strictly speaking a "joke" but my favorite cartoon.

DC Blood posted this a while back.

[Patrick Market]

Haven't seen this one yet, and I do love my banjo, but...

Have you heard about the banjo-player who parked his
car unlocked, and forgot that he had left his banjo inside?

He hurried back when he remembered, but it was too late:
someone had already put another banjo in his car.

[EdHanrahan]

Whaddya call a guy who hangs around with a bunch of musicians? A drummer!

Bah-dah Boom!

[Mandoviol]

My first sight reading exercise from Pete Martin.
Bill

You forgot page two....

[man dough nollij]

You forgot page two....

I wish people would stop posting that. All I have to do is GLANCE at it, and I have the melody stuck in my head again!

[John Flynn]

Q: Why did the banjo player hang a capo from his rear view mirror?

A: So he could park in the handicapped spots!

[Tim Bowen]

Q: How many female vocalists does it take to sing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline?
A: Apparently, all of them.

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Jeff Beck.

Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: You toss your banjo into the dumpster and it lands on an accordion.

Q: What did the drummer say to the bandleader?
A: "Do you want this too fast or too slow?"

Q: Why on Earth would a bassist need more than four strings?
A:


All time fave quotes:

"Dynamics? Hell, I'm playing as loud as I can!"


Bandleader to pickup drummer at gig:
"It sounds like you're building a house back there."

Bassist to same drummer at said gig:
"Yep, sounds like sneakers in the dryer."

[MikeEdgerton]

Q: How many female vocalists does it take to sing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline?
A: Apparently, all of them.

I don't care who you are, that's funny.

[pickloser]

Q: How many female vocalists does it take to sing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline?
A: Apparently, all of them.

I laughed out loud. Hadn't heard that one before, but it is so true that it is hilarious. Also, I was embarassed, having sung this--uh--more than once or twice.

[PsychoMando]

I came across an interesting statistic. Mathamaticians discovered if you took every banjo player on the planet and laid them end-to-end around the world . . . Well, you might just want to leave them there.

[mandocrucian]

Ah yes, the ultimate Elmer Fudd song. Once you've heard Elmer croon it, you'll never hear it any other way!


Kwazee........, kwazee faw feewin' so wonewee
Kwazy.........., kawzee faw feewin' so bwoo (heh heh heh)
I knew, you'd wuv me as wong as you wanted
And then someday, You'd weave me faw somebody new

Wahwy (heh heh heh) Why do I wet mysef wahwy ? (heh heh heh)Won-dwin - What in the wahd did I do ?

Kwazee........ - faw thinking that my wuv could hoad you
I'm kwazee for twyin' ...... Kwazee for cwyin'
And I'm kwazee - Faw wu-uh-vin' you

[raulb]

A bagpipe is an ill wind that no one blows any good.

[Phil Goodson]

If the original question was, "Let's hear your WORST musical joke?",
would we be hearing DIFFERENT jokes????

[mandopete]

Worst musical joke?

Son to Father: "Dad when I grow up I want to be a musician."

Father to Son: "Son, you can't have it both ways."

[Ronnie L]

Q;Whats the difference between The James Last Orchestra and a Cow?

A; A Cow has the Horns at the front and the C*** at the back...!

[Jeroen]

Doctor to musician: "You have only three more days to live". Musician to doctor: "How am I supposed to afford that?"

[MikeEdgerton]

Q;Whats the difference between The James Last Orchestra and a Cow?

A; A Cow has the Horns at the front and the C*** at the back...!

It would be interesting to have an honest poll of cafe members to know if anyone here other than you and I even know who James Last is.