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Thread: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

  1. #151
    Registered User Paul Cowham's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Quote Originally Posted by domradave View Post
    Einstein played violin in a string quartet and it wasn't going well. The cellist said: "What's the matter Einstein? Can't you count!".
    Is that a joke or a true story (or both)? I know Einstein was a keen amateur violinist.
    Last edited by Paul Cowham; Nov-13-2021 at 7:08pm.

  2. #152
    Registered User 108 Mile's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Probably already mentioned
    What’s the difference between a trampoline and a banjo?
    You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline…

  3. #153
    Registered User Simon DS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    What’s the difference between a banjo and tomatoes?

    -Ok, can we get someone else order the pizza?

  4. #154
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Well, if some of these are the BEST jokes, I' am not interested in the SECOND BEST......

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  6. #155
    Professional Dreamer journeybear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Yeah right? Some of these, I dunno ... Reminds me of something I often say when a joke I've told falls flat: "These are the jokes, folks. That's why I'm a musician, not a comedian."
    But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller

    Furthering Mandolin Consciousness

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  7. #156
    Registered User Simon DS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    I agree with you guys, some of the jokes here are just awful. So I did an internet search to see if I could work out why.
    https://www.wikihow.com/Laugh
    https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/humor/#HumBadRep

    Aaaaawful!!!!

  8. #157
    Registered User Elliot Luber's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Click image for larger version. 

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  9. #158
    Oval holes are cool David Lewis's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    So it's the second night of the new duo gig with the singer and the pianist. Just before the gig, the pianist says, 'during 'Girl From Ipanema, I want you to start in F major. Halfway through the first verse, can you modulate to F#minor, then G major 2 lines later. When you get to the chorus do 2 bars in 5/4, then one in 3/4, then got to 9/8. When you go back to the verse, modulate it to C# and then alternate between 3/4 and 2/4 for the rest of the song, finishing in D#.'

    The singer, exasperated, says 'What? I can't do that!'

    The pianist says, 'Dunno why not, it's what you did last night.'
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  11. #159
    Professional Dreamer journeybear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    I think I jammed with that singer at a party once. A bunch of us were having a good time, then a singer came along. She had a fine voice, and all was well for a while, until she called "Mack The Knife." She modulated up a half-step after the first verse - not the second, as Bobby Darin did - and after every verse, not every other verse. This was causing a bit of commotion among us. With a bit of foresight, I deduced that we were going to be in A when solo time came. So when it hit, I jumped on it, that being one of my strong keys. I don't recall whether more players took leads, too, I think so, but when she started singing again it was with yet another modulation. Quite a memorable occasion.
    But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller

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  12. #160
    coprolite mandroid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Ritard - a difficult passage, often for t'brass band
    Presto - just like that!
    Allegro - British Leyland car of the 70s and 80s - allegedly more aerodynamic in reverse than going forward
    writing about music
    is like dancing,
    about architecture

  13. #161
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    I didn't check if this already was posted but....
    A guitar and a banjo jump off the roof at the same time
    Which one hit the ground firsr?
    The guitar, the banjo had to stop and tune

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  15. #162

    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    I don't know any musician jokes, just drummer jokes.

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  17. #163
    Registered User Louise NM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    A guy went to a college that had a good music school. He had never played an instrument, but decided to learn bass. At the first lesson the professor showed him how to play, in 4/4 time, C-C-C-C, F-F-F-F, all in pizzicato. Second lesson, they work on F-C-F-C. The third week, the student doesn't show up. The professor runs into him a day later on campus and asks why he missed the lesson. "Oh man, I meant to call you," said the student. "I had a gig."

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  19. #164
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Buddy: How many banjos do you own? Can you give me one?

    Jim: Tell you what. If you can guess how many banjos I have, I will give you both of them.

    Buddy: Ummmmm. Six?
    A talent for trivializin' the momentous and complicatin' the obvious.

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    funny....

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  21. #165

    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Laughed out loud on the bassist joke!
    Because I just learned to play the bass (the instrument not the fish) recently.
    It's no picnic.
    It was a solid weekend of hard work.

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  23. #166
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Joke!
    David Herman

  24. #167
    Registered User Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Sorry, can't narrow it down to one. Managed to get it down to two, though:

    Q: What's the best pickup to put on a banjo?
    A: A Ford F-150.

    Q: What's the difference between a viola player and a seamstress?
    A: A seamstress tucks up the frills.

    And no. The one about the twelve-inch pianist is not funny.
    Gibson A-Junior snakehead (Keep on pluckin'!)

  25. #168
    Got Buckstrips? Jerry Byers's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Some of these jokes are really sharp. I don't have a joke, I'm a little flat.

  26. #169
    Registered User Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    PS -

    Oh, yeah, and I just remembered one Richard Thompson tells:

    A husband and wife are out Christmas shopping. They have separate lists, so she's at one end of town, he's at the other. It's getting late, so she calls him on her cell and asks him where he is.

    He says, "Remember years ago, when we first started dating? We stopped in at that little jewelry store, and they had that diamond bracelet I said I'd buy you some day when I had the money?"

    She says, "Oh, darling! Of course I do!"

    He says, "Well, I'm in the guitar shop right next door!"
    Gibson A-Junior snakehead (Keep on pluckin'!)

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  28. #170
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    HOMER: Why is Yo Yo Ma the most popular cello player of the last 100 years?



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    Ha, ha! keep time: how sour sweet music is,
    When time is broke and no proportion kept!
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  29. #171
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    This joke may be a bit "inside." I dunno.


    It's the afternoon of New Year's Eve, biggest entertainment night of the year, and the owner of a nightclub gets a phone call from the band he's hired canceling - they've found a better-paying gig. The owner is furious, exasperated, and despairs at being unable to find a band at the last minute, nearly literally. He's sure no one will come into the club, and if someone does wander in, they won't stay, seeking a good time elsewhere. He's bemoaning his fate, nursing his sorrows with a drink at the bar, when the bartender pipes up.

    "I'll tell you what, sir. I've got a musician friend who gets together with some other guys now and then to jam. Maybe they aren't busy and could fill in."

    "That'd be great! What does he play? What kind of music do they do?"

    "I'm not really sure. My friend plays trombone; that's all I know."

    "Well, get him on the phone. If they play jazz or swing, that'll be great. I don't even care what they play, just get them over here. I'll pay double the going rate."

    A call is made, a deal is struck, and a couple of hours later they show up. Along with the trombone, there is a banjo, an accordion, a set of bagpipes, a theremin, a triangle, and a musical saw.

    The owner's jaw drops and his heart sinks. "I thought this was a real band!" he laments.

    The bartender shrugs his shoulders and says, "Sorry, boss, I didn't know. But this is the best I could do. Heck, it's all I could do."

    The owner says, "I'm so screwed. But there's nothing else to be done. Might as well give them a shot. It'll be awful, but we'll go down swinging." He goes over to the band and says, "Thanks for coming in on such short notice, guys."

    The trombonist, who seems to be the spokesperson for the group, shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we don't get too many gigs."

    The band (such as it is) tunes up (such as it is) and begins to play. Astonishingly, they produce a very pleasant and danceable sound. People begin to drift in, and dance and drink to their hearts' content. It's a rip-roaring success, far exceeding what the owner thought would have been possible.

    At the end of the night, the owner pays them as promised, and a bonus as well. He says, "You guys were great! I never imagined such sweet music could be made by such an odd assortment of instruments. What do you say to playing here again next New Year's Eve?"

    They confer among themselves, and then the trombonist says, "Sure. Can we leave our instruments under the stage?"
    Last edited by journeybear; Nov-21-2021 at 1:53am. Reason: thought of something else
    But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller

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  31. #172
    Registered User EvanElk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Q: why are there no banjos in Star Wars?
    A: 'cause it's the future!
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  33. #173
    Worlds ok-ist mando playr Zach Wilson's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    My wife was describing the pain of child birth to me the other day. I replied "I get it... I just picked my mandolin after not playing for 6 months." 🤣
    Worlds okay-ist mandolin player

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  35. #174
    Registered User Charles E.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Quote Originally Posted by journeybear View Post
    This joke may be a bit "inside." I dunno.


    It's the afternoon of New Year's Eve, biggest entertainment night of the year, and the owner of a nightclub gets a phone call from the band he's hired canceling - they've found a better-paying gig. The owner is furious, exasperated, and despairs at being unable to find a band at the last minute, nearly literally. He's sure no one will come into the club, and if someone does wander in, they won't stay, seeking a good time elsewhere. He's bemoaning his fate, nursing his sorrows with a drink at the bar, when the bartender pipes up.

    "I'll tell you what, sir. I've got a musician friend who gets together with some other guys now and then to jam. Maybe they aren't busy and could fill in."

    "That'd be great! What does he play? What kind of music do they do?"

    "I'm not really sure. My friend plays trombone; that's all I know."

    "Well, get him on the phone. If they play jazz or swing, that'll be great. I don't even care what they play, just get them over here. I'll pay double the going rate."

    A call is made, a deal is struck, and a couple of hours later they show up. Along with the trombone, there is a banjo, an accordion, a set of bagpipes, a theremin, a triangle, and a musical saw.

    The owner's jaw drops and his heart sinks. "I thought this was a real band!" he laments.

    The bartender shrugs his shoulders and says, "Sorry, boss, I didn't know. But this is the best I could do. Heck, it's all I could do."

    The owner says, "I'm so screwed. But there's nothing else to be done. Might as well give them a shot. It'll be awful, but we'll go down swinging." He goes over to the band and says, "Thanks for coming in on such short notice, guys."

    The trombonist, who seems to be the spokesperson for the group, shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we don't get too many gigs."

    The band (such as it is) tunes up (such as it is) and begins to play. Astonishingly, they produce a very pleasant and danceable sound. People begin to drift in, and dance and drink to their hearts' content. It's a rip-roaring success, far exceeding what the owner thought would have been possible.

    At the end of the night, the owner pays them as promised, and a bonus as well. He says, "You guys were great! I never imagined such sweet music could be made by such an odd assortment of instruments. What do you say to playing here again next New Year's Eve?"

    They confer among themselves, and then the trombonist says, "Sure. Can we leave our instruments under the stage?"
    Charley

    A bunch of stuff with four strings

  36. #175
    Professional Dreamer journeybear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's hear your BEST musical joke?

    Well ... As I said, it's a bit "inside." Regularly gigging musicians will get this more than most others. And yeah, it's a bit of a shaggy dog story.

    This band - or rather, conglomeration of players of largely reviled instruments - isn't likely to get another gig until next NYE.
    But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller

    Furthering Mandolin Consciousness

    Finders Keepers, my duo with the astoundingly talented and versatile Patti Rothberg. Our EP is finally done, and available! PM me, while they last!

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