My apologies, at bit out of line there for this forum.
My apologies, at bit out of line there for this forum.
If I call my guitar my "axe," does that mean my mandolin is my hatchet?
Breedlove Quartz KF
Kit Built Oval Hole
Martin 000M
Highland Harp
https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/mattdeblass2
Feed My Ego, Visit My Youtube Page
It was bound to happen eventually, somebody had to put one up.
Amy Rigby - Give the Drummer Some
Amy Rigby, one of my favorite singer/songwriters, was married for years to Will Rigby, a fine drummer ......... who always seemed to me to be a real nice guy. During this time she surely heard a gazillion drummer jokes, and works some of them into this homage. About three minutes in she stops and tells a few at the end of the bridge. The audio quality isn't the best, and her delivery is a bit offhand, but this is the only version I've found. Some of these we've heard before, but there are a couple more ... like, What do you call a girl on the arm of a drummer? A tattoo ...
But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller
Furthering Mandolin Consciousness
Finders Keepers, my duo with the astoundingly talented and versatile Patti Rothberg. Our EP is finally done, and available! PM me, while they last!
Hey Chuck (cwilson on the Cafe) told a joke this weekend at a festival we went to he swears he made it up...
Q:What do you call an out of tune accordian?
A: A DIScordian!
If I call my guitar my "axe," does that mean my mandolin is my hatchet?
Breedlove Quartz KF
Kit Built Oval Hole
Martin 000M
Highland Harp
https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/mattdeblass2
Feed My Ego, Visit My Youtube Page
Definition of a gentleman: someone who knows how to play the spoons, and doesn't.
Q: How many mandolin players does it...
A: Thats not funny.
Ah, the spoons.
I remember hearing about a session at The Crane, in Galway, when a spoons player showed up. From what I heard he had more enthusiasm than ability, and when the session leader ordered a round of drinks he got one for everybody but the spoonist.
The newcomer was, of course, offended and asked, "hey what about me?"
"Oh, right," said the session leader, "and a bowl of soup for yer man here!"
I heard it from a guy who heard it from a guy who swore it was a true story.
If I call my guitar my "axe," does that mean my mandolin is my hatchet?
Breedlove Quartz KF
Kit Built Oval Hole
Martin 000M
Highland Harp
https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/mattdeblass2
Feed My Ego, Visit My Youtube Page
I heard a funny one a while back. I forget the joke, but the punch line was:
"Mozart and two other broke musicians."
The pipes are uncommonly easy to poke fun at, and developing an appreciation for them requires a bit of a commitment. It's a mistake to think that all pipes and pipers are Scottish, however. The highland pipes are the most obvious and frequently seen instruments in this country--and Scotland, too, no doubt--but bagpipes of various sorts are common in almost every culture in Europe as well as many cultures of the Middle East, and north Africa.
So don't confine your jokes to the hapless highlanders. There are so many more bagpipers to hassle. For a quick tour of the options, check out these stamps of the world featuring bagpipes.
Pretty interesting, actually.
Just one guy's opinion
www.guitarfish.net
Is that guy on the stamp playing that thing, or smoking it?
Yes.
Eastman 615 #83
Weber Absaroka
'67 J45
'07 Larrivee OM-3R
"Trying is the first step on the road to failure."
- Homer
It is truly amazing how many cultures around the world feature some form of bagpipes in their music. It is really an odd way instrumental design. I blame sailors for this. Same with accordions - they're everywhere. Personally, I prefer Uillean pipes and Cajun accordians, if I had to choose. And of course, the way they're played makes a big difference, too, as does the kind of music.
But the fellow in my story (which was long enough as it was, and not all that funny, just odd), was dressed in some sort of Scottish garb, kilt and all, and playing Highland pipes. His act does indeed revolve around presenting himself as Scottish - though in fact he is from Connecticut - so if the actual Scot disdained his playing, he had reason to, I expect.
But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller
Furthering Mandolin Consciousness
Finders Keepers, my duo with the astoundingly talented and versatile Patti Rothberg. Our EP is finally done, and available! PM me, while they last!
No mandolins in this one, although as we all know Beethoven did write for it:
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bassists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist.
"I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see?
It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."
Brad
I like this one, the winner of this years Ig-Nobel prize for Literature goes to :
Ireland's police service, for writing and presenting more than 50 traffic tickets to the most frequent driving offender in the country - Prawo Jazdy - whose name in Polish means "Driving Licence".
writing about music
is like dancing,
about architecture
Q: How many Deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they just follow it around for 40 years waiting for it to burn out.
A friend of mine wants to sell his vintage Strat, to raise money for a decent acoustic guitar. He was discussing the guitar with a potential buyer.
They talked about what year it was from and other things, like the condition of the instrument. You know the drill. Eventually the buyer asks: "Is it a sunburst?". The reply was: "No, it's a Fender Strat!!"
A banjo player goes to the Doctor and writes on a note: "Doctor please help me, I've lost my voice". The doctor tells him to place his hand flat on the table and then proceeds to smack his hand with a ball-peen hammer. "AAAAAAAAAAAGH", shouted the banjo player...
"Very good", said the doctor. "Come back tomorrow and we'll try B...
How does a bassist count to three?
One, four, five, one.
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?
"Knock ... Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Philip Glass"
Last edited by Steve Finlay; Nov-11-2021 at 12:40am. Reason: Typos
A mandolinist wants to buy a space ship and fly around the planet so he decides to tell his wife about their plan.
‘I can help you, honey,’ she says.
‘-Great!’
He goes to sleep and leaves her to figure it out.
In the morning he wakes up, walks across the yard to their warehouse.
Surprise! The place is completely empty, only two mandolins left.
His wife standing behind him says, ‘now you’ve got plenty of space!’
Forgive my impertinence, but I think a slight rewrite would improve this joke. (After all, not many people have their own warehouse, right on their property.) It's cruel, but then, comedy IS cruel - if cruel things happen to others.
In the morning he wakes up, and discovers his wife is gone, and has taken everything with her. The place is completely empty, except for his mandolins. There is a note attached to one. It says, ‘now you’ve got plenty of space!’
But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller
Furthering Mandolin Consciousness
Finders Keepers, my duo with the astoundingly talented and versatile Patti Rothberg. Our EP is finally done, and available! PM me, while they last!
In days of old, some sailors exploring the oceans of the world made camp on the beach of a beautiful tropical island.
They'd noticed that there was some drumming coming from the top of a forested mountain next to the beach, this kept them awake all night.
The next morning, the drumming suddenly stopped. Then the islanders started running down the mountain with looks of abject terror on their faces. The sailors asked them what the problem was, and they said "bass solo next!".
Einstein played violin in a string quartet and it wasn't going well. The cellist said: "What's the matter Einstein? Can't you count!".
David Herman
Yep, Pablo Casals.
Charley
A bunch of stuff with four strings
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