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Thread: Musician Jokes

  1. #26

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    No no, the definition of perfect pitch is,

    hitting the dumpster with a banjo first throw at 10 yards, and smashing a bodhran and an accordion when it lands.

    Dave H
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  2. #27
    Daive
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Did you know that Will Rogers never met a banjo player!!!

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  4. #28

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    still haven't heard that a drummer's always late, because he can only drive 40 mph.
    The pizza delivery sign blows off any faster.

    How do you know a banjar player's at your door? The knocking speeds up, and he doesn't know when to come in.

    A violin and viola are actually the same size.
    The violin appears smaller because of the player's head.

    I miss Jethro. He had a million.

  5. #29
    Registered Picker papabear075's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Doesn't matter as long as everyone gets a turn. :-)

  6. #30
    Registered Picker papabear075's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?

    The number of teeth in the player.

  7. #31
    Registered Picker papabear075's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    What's the least used sentence in the English language?

    Is that the Banjo players porche?

  8. #32
    Work in Progress Ed Goist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Q: How many Country & Western bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: 1...5...1...5...1...5
    c.1965 Harmony Monterey H410 Mandolin
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  9. #33
    Registered User John Flynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    So a guy answers a knock at his door and there is a raggedy guy standing there who seems to be down on his luck. The guy at the door says, "Sir, I'm a banjo player and I just can't seem to get any gigs (go figure) and I would really appreciate it if you had any work I could do for you to earn a few bucks.

    So the homeowner says, "Sure, I tell you what. My wife has been after me to paint the porch out back. You'll even find paint and brushes in the garage. You do that and I'll pay you $50 bucks."

    The banjo player is overjoyed and rushes out back to get the work done. About an hour later, he knocks on the door again, and says, "All done!"

    The homeowner says, "That is great! You got that porch painted in an hour, that's fantastic!"

    The banjo player says, "Well thank you, sir. By the way, though, with all due respect, that wasn't a porch...it was a BMW.

  10. #34
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The difference between a banjo player and a harmonica player ? The harmonica player only sucks half of the time ......
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  12. #35
    Registered User Dan Hoover's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    how do you tell the drummers riser is level?
    when drool comes out both sides of his mouth...
    "Enjoy every sandwich." Warren Zevon

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  13. #36
    Humble/Awesome
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

    The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

    St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

    The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

    "Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

    The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

    "Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"


    What happens if you play blues music backwards?
    Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

    Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
    Start with two million.

    How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.

  14. #37
    Joshtree joshtree's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    What is the difference between an harmonica and a banjo?
    The harp only sucks every other note.

    Dang it someone beat me to it. I tried to read them all but lost focus.

  15. #38
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Do you know the best way to tune a banjo? Just tune the fifth string higher and higher until it snaps, then tune the other strings to that.

  16. #39
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The mandolin player is in the middle of his lead break when the bass player stops and begins tuning the bass. The mando player stops the band and turns around, asking the bass player "What are you doing??"

    Bass player: " Tuning my bass."

    Mando player; " Do you change a tire while the car's moving? "

    Bass player: " Not any more..."
    Striving for mediocrity and perpetually falling short.

  17. #40

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Q: why are banjo jokes so stupid?
    A: so the bass player can understand them!
    I can only keep them all straight by looking at the fretboard:
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  18. #41
    Registered User John Flynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    One visual joke deserves another:
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  20. #42
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by oldwave maker View Post
    Q: why are banjo jokes so stupid?
    A: so the bass player can understand them!
    I can only keep them all straight by looking at the fretboard:
    Bill, that is awesome!

    What's the difference between a dead Copperhead and a dead banjo player lying in the road?

    There are skid marks in front of the snake...ba dum ching...
    Chuck

  21. #43

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Q: What's the best pickup to use on a banjo?
    A: A Ford F150!

    You guys already stole all my other ones, but I really like the terrorists taking over the banjo work shop. I'll have to remember that one! :-)

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  23. #44
    Scroll Lock Austin Bob's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    What's the first thing a blonde says on New Years Day?

    Are all you guys really in the band?
    A quarter tone flat and a half a beat behind.

  24. #45
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by farmerjones View Post
    I miss Jethro. He had a million.
    like this one:

    Jethro to lady at bar: Mind if I give a pregnant lady a ride home?
    Lady: I'm not pregnant
    Jethro: You ain't home yet.

  25. #46
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    You also get your trailer back when you play blues backwards.

  26. #47
    Registered User Mandolincelli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Q: Why don't you ever see a banjo on Star Trek?

    A: Because it's the future.

  27. #48

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Some cute ones here.

    http://ganainmcartoon.wordpress.com/

    .

  28. #49

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by papabear075 View Post
    What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?

    The number of teeth in the player.
    Hey, watch it. That's my family you're talking about...

  29. #50

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Q. what's the difference between a violin and a viola ?

    A. viola's burn longer.

    Dave H
    Eastman 615 mandola
    2011 Weber Bitteroot A5
    2012 Weber Bitteroot F5
    Eastman MD 915V
    Gibson F9
    2016 Capek ' Bob ' standard scale tenor banjo
    Ibanez Artist 5 string
    2001 Paul Shippey oval hole

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