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Thread: Musician Jokes

  1. #226
    Registered User jparis51's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    My wife arrived late to our gig and when she walked in the crowd was chanting, "One more! One more!" But when I came offstage I looked bummed so she said, "What's wrong? They loved you!"

    "We had only played one song," I told her.

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  3. #227
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

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  4. #228
    Registered User Simon DS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    My neighbour plays the banjo. One morning I saw him out on his front porch talking to his dog.
    It was obvious that he thought the animal could understand him.

    I walked back into the kitchen and told my cat about it -we laughed a lot.

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  6. #229
    Registered User Customxke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The toothbrush was actually invented by a banjo player..........otherwise it would be named a teethbrush.

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  8. #230
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Some great ones here, so let me throw in a "groaner".

    Mr. and Mrs. Newton were very excited. After they got into work on Monday morning, a friend gave them two tickets to a Friday night concert of two of their favorite jazz groups. They were up for a night out, but had to find a babysitter for their son Fig. Monday was a busy day, so on Tuesday they began to ask around at the office, but no one had kids available to babysit Fig. Wednesday they began calling around to the neighbors, but with no luck. The same thing on Thursday. By Friday morning they were getting pessimistic about finding a babysitter and had almost decided to give up. Then, a little after 4pm, came a knock on their door. It was the daughter of a neighbor down the street and she had just come in that morning for her spring break from college. She told the Newtons she heard about their need for a sitter from her mom and was available that evening. Mrs. Newton went and got Fig and it seemed that he and the sitter would hit it off well. The Newtons showed the sitter around the kitchen, where they had laid out some great snacks and drinks, and they were ready to head out for the show. However, the sitter told them that before she could take the job, she would have to look at their music collection. The Newtons were slightly puzzled, but showed her their CDs and vinyl and had both a CD and a record player available. The sitter said she was really only interested in looking at their classical music recordings.

    After perusing the Newtons' music collection, the sitter told them she would be unable to take the job. The Newtons, naturally, were stunned and asked her why. The sitter replied: "Well, I found Tchaikovsky, and Wagner, some Beethoven, and some early 20th century work from Shostakovich and others. But, I found no Bach, Vivaldi, or Telemann. Sorry, but I cannot take the job."

    The Newtons were nice about it, but pressed her to tell them why she couldn't sit. She explained that after looking over their classical music collection, she had to abide by something her father told her many years ago. The Newtons asked her what that was and she explained:

    "Well, my father taught me early on:
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ."...darlin', if it ain't baroque, don't Fig sit."


    Shall we all groan in unison!!
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  9. #231
    Registered User JiminRussia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    A bluegrass band was out on the the lake fishing when the banjo player fell overboard. HELP! He cried. I can’t swim! The others yelled back, FAKE IT!!
    There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't.

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  11. #232
    Unfamous String Buster Beanzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The fairy


    I was on my way to band practice when I saw a fairy fall on the ice.
    I went over and helped her get back on her feet & she was very grateful.
    The little fairy said
    "Thank you very much for helping me get up.
    For that act of kindness I can grant you one wish"
    I had a think, then said
    "Thank you little fairy, that's a very kind offer. I wish to live forever please."
    She replied,
    "I'm very sorry, but that is one wish we fairies are forbidden to grant.
    You'll have to make a different wish kind sir"
    So I had another think and asked,
    "I wish to live until I gain complete mastery of the mandolin"
    She replied "Ooooooh! you are a crafty bugger"
    Eoin



    "Forget that anyone is listening to you and always listen to yourself" - Fryderyk Chopin

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  13. #233
    Registered User Simon DS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Bodhran player says, "Here’s a joke for ye, how can you tell if someone is a fiddler?
    -they play a set of three tunes, 192 notes, beautiful it is.
    But you can tell they’re a fiddler because only one of the notes, the first one, is actually on the beat."

  14. #234
    Registered User Sue Rieter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Seen on social media and just silly enough to share.

    What's the difference between the Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas?

    The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song, chickpeas can hummus one.
    "To be obsessed with the destination is to remove the focus from where you are." Philip Toshio Sudo, Zen Guitar

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  16. #235
    Registered User chris.burcher's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    A musician and a drummer walk in to a bar . . . . .

  17. #236
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The nice thing about musical instrument jokes is that they are all interchangeable.
    -- Don

    "Music: A minor auditory irritation occasionally characterized as pleasant."
    "It is a lot more fun to make music than it is to argue about it."


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    [About how I tune my mandolins]
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  18. #237
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

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  20. #238
    Registered User Sue Rieter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Another social media find that I felt called to share.

    My friends and I put together a band.
    We call it "999 Megabytes".

    Still haven't gotten a gig yet.
    "To be obsessed with the destination is to remove the focus from where you are." Philip Toshio Sudo, Zen Guitar

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  22. #239

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    (Apologies if this is already in here somewhere, I couldn't find a way to search the whole thread...)

    From Chris Thile:

    Mandolin players spend half their time tuning...and the other half playing out of tune.

  23. #240
    Registered User rnjl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Johnson View Post
    (Apologies if this is already in here somewhere, I couldn't find a way to search the whole thread...)

    From Chris Thile:

    Mandolin players spend half their time tuning...and the other half playing out of tune.
    I'm pretty sure I heard David Grisman - or maybe it was Sam Bush?- tell that one a long time ago. But it's still more true than joke.

  24. #241
    Professional Dreamer journeybear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    That's been told by many a mandolinist for many a year. Not written by ny of the above, I'm sure. The way I heard it first - in the mid 80s - by Kate Wolf's accompanist, Nina Gerber:

    Mandolin players spend half their time tuning, and the other half playing, thinking that they're out of tune.

    I like how that captures the anxiety, the uncertainty, the nearly endless worry that is such a big part of this aspect of playing mandolin. I'm pretty sure that is her own twist on the old saw, which I'll bet she'd heard plenty of times before putting her spin on it. I've never heard anyone else say it this way - except me, natch.
    But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller

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  25. #242
    Registered User hubrad's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, because we're not afraid of the dark.
    www.stevetilston.com (double bass duties)

  26. #243
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by journeybear View Post
    That's been told by many a mandolinist for many a year. Not written by ny of the above, I'm sure. The way I heard it first - in the mid 80s - by Kate Wolf's accompanist, Nina Gerber:

    Mandolin players spend half their time tuning, and the other half playing, thinking that they're out of tune.

    I like how that captures the anxiety, the uncertainty, the nearly endless worry that is such a big part of this aspect of playing mandolin. I'm pretty sure that is her own twist on the old saw, which I'll bet she'd heard plenty of times before putting her spin on it. I've never heard anyone else say it this way - except me, natch.
    Yes, been around for a long while … I believe the original source was one of the world’s greatest humorists and mandolinists, Jethro Burns. At any rate, I’ve seen it attributed to him many times. It’s as good a story as any.
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  28. #244
    Registered User Ranald's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    I believe Orpheus told that one, but about the lyre.
    Robert Johnson's mother, describing blues musicians:
    "I never did have no trouble with him until he got big enough to be round with bigger boys and off from home. Then he used to follow all these harp blowers, mandoleen (sic) and guitar players."
    Lomax, Alan, The Land where The Blues Began, NY: Pantheon, 1993, p.14.

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  30. #245
    Professional Dreamer journeybear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Hey! Who're you calling a lyre?
    But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller

    Furthering Mandolin Consciousness

    Finders Keepers, my duo with the astoundingly talented and versatile Patti Rothberg. Our EP is finally done, and available! PM me, while they last!

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  32. #246

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    There are courtesy of Tim O'Brien:

    A Drummer walks into a music store,
    Drummer "I have played drums all my life now I want to buy a real instrument."
    Owner "Have look around."
    Drummer comes back an hour later.
    Owner "Did you see anything you would like to play."
    Drumner "I can't decide between the Red Trombone on the wall or the Silver Accordion in the corner."
    Owner "Well I can sell you the Fire Extinguisher, but the Radiator has to stay with the building."

    Did you hear about the Drummer who locked his keys in his car? He had to break the window to let the Bass player out.

    You have probably heard these a million times, but they don't get old
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  34. #247
    Innocent Bystander JeffD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Jethro Burns once recommended that you should only play one instrument. That way, when you are out of work, you know exactly what kind of work you are out of.
    A talent for trivializin' the momentous and complicatin' the obvious.

    The entire staff
    funny....

  35. #248
    Registered User stevo58's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

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    Full disclosure: I play tenor.
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    More electrics than you can shake a stick at. I have to sell this stuff.

  36. #249
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    How many fiddle players does it take to change a light bulb?

    Only one, the fiddler holds the bulb and the world revolves around him/her.

    It may be that was made up by a banjo player???
    THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE JUST FOR YOUR SMILE!

  37. #250

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Why do banjo players get laid so often?

    Their spouses with do anything…… ANYTHING to get them to stop playing!
    Steve Smith

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